walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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