he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
