My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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