We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
