I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Princesses don't give blow jobs
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
