Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
