the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
