I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
