wanna go halves on a baby?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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