She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
