He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
How external is "for external use only"?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
