think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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