I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
