Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
