Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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