You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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