dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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