shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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