You can't special order awesome
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Girls should come with a carfax report
This house was built for laser tag.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
