I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
