I just saw a hot homeless man
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
