Its about making memories worth repressing
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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