on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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