Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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