it was like fucking gandolphs beard
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My vagina is officially offended.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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