i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
my nose is crying tears of wow.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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