Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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