I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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