is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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