Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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