In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my sisters under your porch take her home
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
