I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
