ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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