ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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