Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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