she was so not down for the gang bang
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
