He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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