I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
