I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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