i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
