Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We had sex on a dog bed..
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
