there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
