You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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