Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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