pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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