I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
