When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
