Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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