so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
