Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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